Britney Spears & Elizabeth Taylor
In 2007 I would have put a lot of money on Britney becoming Micheal Jackson. Like Mr. Jackson, Britney seemed headed down the road to crazy town. When I say crazy town, I don't mean the crazy drug fueled village where Charlie Sheen resides, but like the legitimate mental illness crazy town. Thankfully Britney has come a long way since then and now I think she will follow the lead of Elizabeth Taylor. Elizabeth was beautiful and talented, but then hit a couple of life bumps. She went through a couple (alot) of marriages, she gained a bunch of weight, started popping pills and had a intimate friendship with Micheal Jackson. Now I am not saying that Britney and Elizabeth are in the same league in terms of talent, but I am saying that Britney is similar to Elizabeth in that she is an icon who had some intense personal circumstances that will prevent her from ever surpassing her earlier accomplishments. But, like Elizabeth, we will always root for Britney no matter how self-destructive her choices are.
Pauly D & Gene Simmons
Gene Simmons leads a pretty good life, he has a normal loving family and he makes tons of money off his reality T.V show and endorsement deals. I feel like Pauly D is headed in the same direction if he plays his cards right. Everybody loves Gene! He is non-threatening and he is a lady killer. Everybody loves Pauly D! He is also non-threatening and a lady killer. Both men got really famous for looking ridiculous and both men have an insane sex-life, even if the women involved often have a questionable appearance. What I am trying to say, is that down the road I would totally watch a family friendly Pauly D. Ya buddy!
Lindsay Lohan & Tara Reid
As much as Lindsay wants to be compared to Marilyn Monroe, its not happening. Marilyn Monroe was tragic in that beautiful and sad way, whereas Lindsay is tragic in that "oh my god, look at those hideous extensions" kind of way. That's why Lindsay needs to accept her role as the new Tara Reid. Both women were extremely hot in their day with their raspy voices, but have now fallen from grace. Like Tara, Lindsay is on her way to become the new old-gross-party girl with bad plastic surgery. Yes every couple of years they will both clean up, say they are coming back, and then snort their way back to their inevitable ruin.
The Situation & Verne Troyer
Who didn't love mini-me in his hey-day? He was hilarious! He was that lovable rascal that said the funniest things. When Jersey Shore first premiered everybody was enamored with The Situation. He drank all day, made up catchphrases for himself and made strangers print his name on awful ass-revealing cotton shorts. The rascal! Then fame went to both Verne's and The Situtaion's head. They blew through all their money, added substance abuse problems to their resumes and starting sweating all the time. What does this all mean? Basically, The Situation is only a couple of failed comebacks away from going on a reality television show and peeing himself in his sleep. What great things he has to look forward to!
Kristen Stewart & Winona Ryder
Now before anyone bites my head off, please listen to my reasoning. Winona was a really cool yet acquired taste of the 90s. I would never say she had mass commercial appeal. Kristen has many haters but she also has a slew of dedicated fans. Like Winona with Johnny Depp, Kristen is dating one of the hottest men in Hollywood. Both Kristen and Winona have an edgy androgynous look and take themselves very seriously. I can also totally see Kristen blowing her career for the cheap thrill that comes with stealing a Marc Jacobs sweater. Please let this happen.
Paris Hilton & Lisa Robin Kelly (Laurie from That 70's Show)
I just really want this to happen.
Jennifer Lawrence & Angelina Jolie & Jennifer Aniston
If Jennifer Lawrence continues on her path of awesomeness, I have no doubt that she could become the combined force of both Angelina and Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer has the sex appeal and toughness of Angelina and the girl-next-door likeability of Aniston. Jennifer like Jolie has serious acting chops (Girl Interrupted and Winter's Bone) and could totally handle a strong female lead in an action flick. Unlike Jolie, Jennifer has the commercial appeal and humor of Aniston and I could see her pulling off a romantic comedy. All Jennifer needs is the perfect new boyfriend. I recommend Ryan Gosling.
Chelsea Lately & Joan Rivers
Chelsea is already following Joan's footsteps by delivering sexual vulgar comedy for women. Both women are funny in that way that isn't really funny, but has you laughing anyway. I can just see Chelsea twenty years down the road, sipping vodka in a big house all by herself. So sad. Well, at least she can say she had sex with 50 cent.
In conclusion I would just like to say that with a celebrity's future (like anyone's) you just never know. Case in point: Leonardo DiCaprio. I totally thought Leo was going to become a Johnny Depp-type: eccentric and dead sexy. I was so very wrong.
Remember when Leonardo DiCaprio looked like this?
Now he looks like this:
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| Image c/o UsMagazine |
