Couple Break-Ups That Would Devastate Me

My post on Sarah Michelle Geller and Freddie Prinze Jr. got me thinking about celebrity couples. More specifically, those celebrity couples that I am over-invested in and whose break-up would cause me great emotional pain. I thought it would be a good idea to list these celestially coupled beings; not a good idea in the "wow that's a good idea" sense, but more the "wow what a great waste of time" sense.

I would like to state for the record that if any of these couples break up, I am not responsible. The Heidi/Seal jinx* can occur at any time.

*This jinx causes the break-up of a celebrity couple you love upon mention of how much you love them. Obviously people cannot avoid waxing-on about how much they love a couple and therefore no one should be held responsible for the activation of this jinx. The origin of this jinx can be traced to my friend Georgia, when she tweeted about how much she loves Seal and Heidi and then, BOOM they were done. I just don't even want to think about what this means for Halloween.

1. Joshua Jackson & Diane Kruger

This coupling is awesome because it combines two very charming and well-dressed people. They are just so delightful. It was difficult to pick a picture because of how delightful they are: see this or this.

I am just so relieved that he did not end up with Joey Potter.

2. Amy Poehler & Will Arnett

Words cannot express how much I appreciate/love/enjoy this picture. They have on matching  $5000 jean suits, C'MON!

3. Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally

I love both these people so much. I also love thinking about Ron Swanson and Karen having sex. If you think I am weird and want another reason to like this couple, look at Nick's adorable tweet!

4. Channing Tatum & Jenna Dewan

The couple that dances together stays together. I just love the fact that these two met while filming one of the worst movies ever. How does the Step Up franchise still exist? I am sure producers are working on an Avatar themed Step-Up as we speak.

Producer 1: ya so basically Jake and Neytiri bond through a mutual love of dance, even though they come from different worlds.
Producer 2: Wonderful, make sure its in 3d.

5. Emily Blunt & John Krasinski

The reasons I will be upset if these two break up:

• In my head, John and Emily are Jim and Pam.  
• Emily was the best thing in the Devil Wears Prada and was a great distraction from how awful Anne Hathaway is. 
• Emily and John go on double dates with the Damons! 
• Because of this.
• Their children will be beautiful and tall.

6. Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick/ Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom/ Kim Kardashian & Kanye West

I guarantee that every single person in this photo is thinking about how much money they make and how awesome they are. They should all stay together for the sole reason that they are evenly matched in whoriness. However, I do really enjoy each of these couples.

I love Lamar for being so tall and sexy and Khloe for being so funny. I think that Khloe needs someone sensitive like Lamar to balance out how brash she is. I do wish that she would retire the baby voice. It makes me stabby.

I know everyone in the world will disagree with me but I love Scott and Kourtney. They have this weird sense of humor that is hilarious to watch. 

As for Kimye, I just really really really want to watch the wedding. 


Couples I wish would hurry up and break up already:

1. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Sorry everyone, but this is inevitable. Kids today want to believe that this romance will last, but it wont and its time you all deal with this reality. The sooner it happens the better. So kids, get ready for this, this, THIS, and finally this.

Lets get this ball rolling.

2. Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart

This has nothing to do with their relationship but eventually they will need to break up so Rob can  fall  in love with me. THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. My psychic told me. It's just a matter of time...

3. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

You obviously don't like each other! Break up! Your relationship is weird and distant. 

4. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

I just really really really want to watch the divorce.

UPDATE: I can't believe I forgot about these two

 You guys need to last forever.

Also: since when does Michelle smoke?